Patagonia, Kuai, D.C, New Zealand, Scotland, Italy, Switzerland…
These places have been rushing around my head like pop up windows. I just can’t seem to stop thinking about travel. About this world. How much is out there..how much I have yet to see.
My life seems so meaningless sometimes when I know some people just drop it all and and take the jump. Do the adventure. Seek the life and journey of a lifetime. I feel it in me like a volcano slowly getting ready to erupt. It starts with just some magma…the idea of it…and it starts to just rush out the top of that mountain like no tomorrow. So what do I do with this? How do I cure my travel bug…as well as work full-time, take care of my home, and my dog?
A little back story…here I am in a suburban town that hopes to be something great someday. I live in one of the only historic neighborhoods that this town has to offer. We have large streets, old grown in trees, houses that are a hundred years old, and neighbors who watch people from their windows walk by while they paint a portrait of God knows what with God knows how many bloody cats surrounding them. I have an elderly couple to the right of me who are snowbirds and leave every other weekend to go on trips with their large white RV. To the left of me is a little latina lady who attends church daily and has a very serious relationship with her cat who sadly sits outside of the front door more often than not.
Then there is me, nestled in between. A 26…no wait…27 year old girl who fell in love with this neighborhood 2 years ago and can’t believe that she now gets to live in what she likes to call a “cottage” of her very own. In the back of my mind where the cob webs are and I’m never very good at reaching towards or finding are my inner desires. This house was one of them. It is my safety. My abode. My home. I live with my yellow golden doodle, Lincoln who is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. He takes care of me and I take care of him…it really is the best kind of relationship you can ask for. I also live with my dear coworker and friend who has been such a blessing in my life these past 7 months. I had no idea I would face the mountain i had to face this last year…it just doesn’t seem like any of it happened. Almost as If I viewed from afar…watching it all happen. Watching it unfold from someone else’s eyes.
January 2013: At the end of my rope. Faced reality. Realized my then marriage needed some serious help.
March 2013: He lead me on…didn’t get help…I had to kick him out for my own safety.
June 2013: No change…faced the hardest decision of my life…filed for that damn bloody divorce.
December 2013: F.I.N.A.L.
What a year right? 27 and already divorced. Fabulous! As I look back I can’t help but think how this was truly one of my hardest years, but also one of the very best years of my life. I finally took charge of my life. I owned the chaos. I said..NO…not anymore. This has to stop. He has to change or I am out! This just can’t continue like this or I will end up in a horrible place mentally.
2013 represented, freedom. Freedom from my personal fears of being alone in this world. I tackled 2013 and decided that I would never live my life like that again. I will live my life with passion and adventure. I am owning who I am. I am figuring this thing out. I am working on myself with a therapist. I am working on my faith. I am working on being a better family member and friend. I am owning that I have one life here on Earth…and dammit I’m going to make the best of it.
Self discovery. With pain and not being comfortable causes questioning and discovery. What do I want? Who am I? What is out there past my suburban neighborhood with the big trees and large streets? There is more. I know there is more…and I’m going to find out.