About a month ago I got the opportunity to go to Europe. A dream of mine since I was a very little girl. I flew from LA to London to meet one of my best friends who is currently living over there for school. The flight was a good 11.5 hours, the cool news was a made a friend on my plan ride over! A fellow dog lover and adventure seeker. London was truly magical. A place that all my childhood fantasies and stories took place in. The history packed into every single street is overwhelmingly breathtaking. I fell in love with the culture. With the cafes. The broadways. The pubs. Teas. Scones. Busses. Undergrounds. Overground’s. Museums. Art. Shopping. Buildings, Buildings, Buildings! Oh, London how my soul felt WHOLE when I was in you!
I was in London for 11 days and every day was a new adventure. Far different from my little suburban town I live in in America. I had four days in London on my own while my friend worked. Those days were precious. I got to get lost.Find my way. Explore. Talk to people so I could find my way. Stumble upon amazing places. Figure out a big city! These days of solitude were really big In my healing process. I kept thinking…I can do this on my own. I can take care of myself. I guess I started believing in myself.
“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”
yes yes yes!
Yes, you are the girl with the unkempt room and poor time management. You have many things in your head, most of which are notes-to-self on what your future self should do or go to. You are a dreamer, and that means that if the guy you date isn’t like you, it’s unlikely to work out.
Don’t date a guy who doesn’t travel. He is the guy with the medicine cabinet filled with shaving cream, hair gel and toothbrushes he doesn’t use anymore. His skin is fair and soft like a baby’s, which means he doesn’t go out much or at all. He is intolerant to the sun, when in fact you love every minute you are under it, soaking each ray of sunshine into your now bronze skin. He combs and styles his hair in memorized strokes every morning (as he has been doing this for months, maybe years…
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My dad is an adventurer.
He is the man who hikes every weekend. Who creates the “hiking club” at a low income school where most of the kids have never even been to the mountains. He loves nature. He knows nature. When we hike together, he questions things. What is this plant? Where does this go? Let’s try going on this road, maybe we will find something that no one has seen before! He seeks out adventure and lures those who are with him along. That passion he has…rolled right on over to his little girl, me.
Hiking. Something that I did as a kid with my dad. Something that I took up again, right when things started getting bad in my marriage. When I hike I feel God. I see God. I am the most alone I could be, yet feel full and satisfied and not in need of anything or anyone.
My dad is a role model to me in how you can chose to live life. He chooses adventure and knowledge. He chooses to know more and see more and understand himself more through nature. I can see God shining through him most when he is up in the mountains on a dirt path with trees surrounding him and his dog, Buttercup by his side. A true sight to behold!
Today my dad and I adventured to some wine trails in the county side outside of the suburban town that we live in instead of a usual hike. We had wine. We had chocolate. We even met a real cheetah! We drank and we drank some more. We talked about life. About travel. About our relationships. As I grow up and know him more, I see how much I really am like him. It’s interesting how your family seems to understand or get you most. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even have to explain things to him, he just GETS IT. Its nice to be known and understood. I hope I find a guy like my dad someday. Who loves nature and God. Who loves adventure. Who loves me.
Five wineries and a unknown amount of glasses of wine later he took me out to dinner and then back to my home where my Lincoln was waiting. Lincoln got his daily walk…and master got a tummy ache that she inflicted upon herself with the large amounts of alcohol and chocolate she consumed prior. Lesson learned.
Patagonia, Kuai, D.C, New Zealand, Scotland, Italy, Switzerland…
These places have been rushing around my head like pop up windows. I just can’t seem to stop thinking about travel. About this world. How much is out there..how much I have yet to see.
My life seems so meaningless sometimes when I know some people just drop it all and and take the jump. Do the adventure. Seek the life and journey of a lifetime. I feel it in me like a volcano slowly getting ready to erupt. It starts with just some magma…the idea of it…and it starts to just rush out the top of that mountain like no tomorrow. So what do I do with this? How do I cure my travel bug…as well as work full-time, take care of my home, and my dog?
A little back story…here I am in a suburban town that hopes to be something great someday. I live in one of the only historic neighborhoods that this town has to offer. We have large streets, old grown in trees, houses that are a hundred years old, and neighbors who watch people from their windows walk by while they paint a portrait of God knows what with God knows how many bloody cats surrounding them. I have an elderly couple to the right of me who are snowbirds and leave every other weekend to go on trips with their large white RV. To the left of me is a little latina lady who attends church daily and has a very serious relationship with her cat who sadly sits outside of the front door more often than not.
Then there is me, nestled in between. A 26…no wait…27 year old girl who fell in love with this neighborhood 2 years ago and can’t believe that she now gets to live in what she likes to call a “cottage” of her very own. In the back of my mind where the cob webs are and I’m never very good at reaching towards or finding are my inner desires. This house was one of them. It is my safety. My abode. My home. I live with my yellow golden doodle, Lincoln who is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. He takes care of me and I take care of him…it really is the best kind of relationship you can ask for. I also live with my dear coworker and friend who has been such a blessing in my life these past 7 months. I had no idea I would face the mountain i had to face this last year…it just doesn’t seem like any of it happened. Almost as If I viewed from afar…watching it all happen. Watching it unfold from someone else’s eyes.
January 2013: At the end of my rope. Faced reality. Realized my then marriage needed some serious help.
March 2013: He lead me on…didn’t get help…I had to kick him out for my own safety.
June 2013: No change…faced the hardest decision of my life…filed for that damn bloody divorce.
December 2013: F.I.N.A.L.
What a year right? 27 and already divorced. Fabulous! As I look back I can’t help but think how this was truly one of my hardest years, but also one of the very best years of my life. I finally took charge of my life. I owned the chaos. I said..NO…not anymore. This has to stop. He has to change or I am out! This just can’t continue like this or I will end up in a horrible place mentally.
2013 represented, freedom. Freedom from my personal fears of being alone in this world. I tackled 2013 and decided that I would never live my life like that again. I will live my life with passion and adventure. I am owning who I am. I am figuring this thing out. I am working on myself with a therapist. I am working on my faith. I am working on being a better family member and friend. I am owning that I have one life here on Earth…and dammit I’m going to make the best of it.
Self discovery. With pain and not being comfortable causes questioning and discovery. What do I want? Who am I? What is out there past my suburban neighborhood with the big trees and large streets? There is more. I know there is more…and I’m going to find out.